Secrets to Facing Fears
by Andrea Waltz
Have you ever noticed in scary movies, there are two types of scares? There are the slow kind that build and the fast kind that jump out at you.
Slow you see coming. Fast you don't.
Reminds me of fear.
Slow ones you see coming. Fast ones you don't.
In the supernatural suspense film, The Sixth Sense, a little boy named Cole is being haunted by ghosts. (If you haven't seen the movie, this is where the infamous line, "I see dead people" came from.)
Cole is so traumatized and terrified all the time, he starts getting help from a psychologist played by Bruce Willis. For a while Willis doubts Cole's abilities but eventually tells Cole that he should change his approach with the ghosts. Instead of fearing them, Cole needs to figure out why they're visiting him, and help
them.
Similarly, I believe the more we understand our fears, the better we handle them. These are our slow fears that follow us around like those ghosts did to Cole.
How do you understand your fear?
First, acknowledge it's only there to protect you. Your fear thinks you're way too risky and wants to keep you alive. Then, start questioning it. Dig:
What am I afraid is going to happen? Then ask again:
And if that happens then what? Ask again:
And then what?
Once you start digging, you'll usually find the fear is rooted in your basic survival. What your fear doesn't know is in 2020, basic survival requires risk-taking. So, what it perceives as optional and dangerous, you know is required.
(For more on fearing no, read Fear of the No on our blog.)
What about fast fears?
Sometimes, in a Go for No moment, fear will jump out and surprise you. No time for analysis. No time for questions. You need to act. Then what do you do?
What I tell myself is this: it's okay to fail. Just do it.
When you need to face a fast fear and act, give yourself permission to fail. It's far better to act and fail then let your fear win and do nothing. The secret is the more you face fear and fail, the better your chances for success.
Dale Carnegie said that "fear doesn't exist anywhere except in the mind." That is how to manage those slow fears. Work on your mind.
As for those fast fears, Dale Carnegie also said, "If you want to conquer fear, don't sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy."
